Sunday, April 11, 2010

HOBO= homeward bound

Time? Where does it go, when did it pass? So surprising it never slows down, no matter how far away the future seems.

When I become more diciplined in another phase of life I promise to get better at this. I am living and find it hard to reflect while I am in life,especially when there are no events, just a full life.

But transition, changes are upon me and I find myself contemplative, full of emotion and thus ready to blog. I also have many to do's, assignments, demanding of my attention and thus my profound skills of procrastination make me blog.

I am sitting in the coffee shop where nearly 8 months ago, I sat crying silently to myself as I blogged, for I knew no one, had no where to live, no money, and no idea why in the world I choose such a place to do my internship.
I'm tearful now as I think of leaving those who have become my community, the fullness of my days, my challenges and life here.
No worries, Its finals prep time for the colleges, so being a crying 20somthing in a cafe makes me blend in well.

My life has been full of the lives of so many others.
five days a week I walk into a a corner a huemongous hospital, up four flights of stairs ( at least at lunch I take the stairs) Through two locked doors and into the lives of 18 people who are in crisis. When I think about my time on the Unit. I think- so many people, so many faces, stories, families, unknowns, puzzles to solve.
There are those who come on a monthly basis, unable to have the support in the community they need to get them the medication and treatment that would prevent themfrom getting to such a debilitated state every month.

There are the 20 somethings with a family history that predisposes them to psychosis,who due to the stress of a break up, or school pressure, or some other unknown have a psychotic break.

And those for many reasons, (usually trying many times over) have unsucsessfully tried to kill themselves.

I problem solve with the Dr's as to the reason, the source, the right medication, course of treatment, consider the insurance, find community resources for them, talk with families to get the history their impression and needs, and do my best to explain what is happening to their loved one. Those are the interesting days.

Many I sit at a desk, checking boxes on a form, calling people who don't return my calls, seeking help that doesn't exist for the Patient's that won't get the help they need, but is leaving the hospital. I know why insurance sucks and health care needs reform, but I also know, we are very very far from a solution.

Oh and in case your still reading you must be very dedicated to knowing me, so i'll tell ya I'm going to Denver in Sept. I asked to be placed at a VA hospital where I could do work in an outpatient setting, meaning doing "real" therapy, with "real" patients, long term, psychoanalytic therapy. I will be doing work with people who have experienced trauma ( military), which is also an main focus area for me. That was the most important to me, and Denver is where they sent me! Geographically not my top place, but i will make the best of it.

I'm in NC till may 10th, visiting home for the month of May and then will head to Massachusetts for my second summer. ....

Im 27, the youth and the age strike me every now and again when I think about my hobo state.

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