you all are my web of salvation

I am lonely and in a new place where I only know a few people's people. I definitely spent a good amount of my forever long drive asking myself what possessed me to decide to pick the farthest place away from all that I love, to live for an awkward 9 months and not think about how difficult that would be?!??

So I need to be searching for housing, setting up my life, getting on top of my forever long to do list, or at least updating you on all the fantastic and sordid things that life has held these last couple months.

But I cant because the only thing I can keep mulling over is how profound people connections are. Networks and connection have been my saving grace these last couple of months, they define so much of what I experience. The only difference between me and a homeless person, is who I know. Yes my social, economic, family, race, religion all influence who I know and therefore who I am connected to, but the money I have, or what my religion is isn't what keeps me from being homeless ( or a millionaire) its the people that I associate with because of these parts of my identity.

I see it on so many levels. who I choose as my friends at Smith, although varied and I thought I was open to all, I ended up being with people mostly similar to myself. There is a whole conversation to be had about the reason we gravitate to those that we are like. We are similar on many levels, but diverse on others. I leave that thought line there, so as to get to my point....

My entire trip across the country I relied and was cared for by the hospitality of others. Dear friends, allowed me to show up late at night, sleep in their beds, eat their food, and leave again. I had several friends I didn't get to see because I had options of several different people in the 3 state area I could stay with. Although there is some sense of "we are friends, of course they want me to stay", and " if they are friends with me, they know I am unpredictable, time optimist, who has no concept of when I will be there, or be leaving and love me anyway and want me to stay". But I realize this is alot to ask, and am blown away by how kind and welcoming all are.

Then there are friends of friends. This is a stretch, with more anxiety, need for common graciousness, but still within in the reach of normal asking of I know you, and them, you are both are the type where this is not big deal, great! there were awkward run ins with the roommate, but a free bed and bathroom made it worth all social awkwardness. In reflection, I would do the same, ( offer my home, my space) but how phenomenal of a complete stranger to say to another complete stranger, of course, here is my home, enjoy use what you need, you are welcome here?

IN Ireland a lovely couple i met there emailed their friend's in Durham and that couple although they no longer live in Durham have been a huge resource of information of churches, local info, and offered several housing options.

Then I arrive in Durham. One of my nearest and dearest calls her nearest and dearest and says, I have a friend coming to town can she crash? Of course, comes the response!

But now that stranger is me, and I miss calculate distance and arrive in the middle of the night ( "no problem- we'll leave the door unlocked"), "how many nights would I like to stay?" a couple, I need pick one of the housing choices I have, I say. But before I meet them ( married couple) all my known housing option fall through and I have no where to live and am staying with beloved of beloved, but I have never met them and now neither of us know how long I am welcome to stay or need to stay!

And so yesterday I was faced with letting go of my last housing option because of a ethical delima, so I called my family and asked for prayer, as to give this up means I have only a couple of stranger's air mattress or a few people I could ask if I could stay some time, but really hate being sooo desperate, and helpless.

Instantaneously, a social network webs spun across the continent to form a safety net. An email my dad sends to a Portland friend asking if he knows anyone brings about a man here in Durham who is willing to contact his church family which produces two people who say I can stay with, all within a matter of hours.

my sister- in law jumps on line and finds churches with housing classifieds, as my Internet isn't working, so frantic searching isn't available to ease my mounting stress, and of course when I return home to dinner with my friend's friends they say I can stay as long as I need.

I am pretty sure there are several others contacts from my program that if I was in a bind would offer me a to stay.

As I searched for community of believers to live with ( my ideal for current living, although not what it looks like is going to be what happens) I have been reading Bonhoeffer's book on the topic this morning. It talks about our need for Christ being what creates the community, the common need to have God's truth, and our belief of our need of Christ, our common understanding how helpless we are on our own, spoken to us by others.

How powerfully I experienced the true sense of community of believers. its not just who I live with, but who I am relation with, who confirms that I don't need to make ethical compromises, or those I don't even know who reach out to others to meet a need without hesitation because of their experience of truth and love.

So as I search the Internet and hold back tears of helplessness and frustration, and sleep on air mattresses and get mad at myself that I am having to live off the handouts of others, I experience God.

I have community that is not bound to a house, a town, Continent or world, but to a God who although does not promise to make everything smooth, (Im sure I would have had a worthwhile experience if I ended up being homeless) God would still be good.

I started to say i am thankful that I am not homeless, than realized no I AM homeless. I am thankful I have people who have experienced grace and love and are willing to offer it to me through sending emails, meals and air mattresses, so that in my homelessness I am clean and safe!

Don't panic family, just pray I find a place where I am filled with peace when I think about living there. :)